a revelation

- Mike

I had wasted away the night, week, and semester before the final playing video games. tomorrow, Tuesday, at 12:30 until 2:30, I suspected I would be writhing in agony under sneer of my mathematics professor. he has the tendency of assigning problems that require an extensive knowledge of the material, namely problems that were not assigned as homework, but a problem derived from a derivative of a derivative of the homework, normally resembling something obscure and tauntingly familiar. this time, I wasn't going to fall for his shenanigans, so I decided to not waste any of my worthless time on his class. when "1:00 AM" appeared on the lower right-hand corner of my monitor, I realized how foolish of an idea this was and frantically began to study. Casey and Andy were looking at naked girls or lesbians or naked lesbians or something. I felt compelled to complain about my final tomorrow knowing my complaint would be in vain. I now know it was fate.

Casey glanced over periodically at my vaginal piercingless screen and asked scornfully why I was no longer playing video games. ashamed, I confessed that my arrogance had gotten the better of me, and that I, in fact, could probably gain something from studying. now here is what he said. he said it nonchalantly, yet firmly. he said it jokingly, yet wisely. he said, "do it for Badical Extreme." I shrugged off his comment, much like the way a Christian would shrug off a shriner. I slept that night, not knowing what to expect.

that night, I dreamt of more things than my mind could comprehend. my childhood, my adolescence, my death, the earth's childhood, the earth's demise, existence's birth and fall. everything. every time a child was spawned or a diseased man fell, "badical extreme" whispered in my ear. every time a star collapsed or a primordial ooze festered, "badical extreme" whispered. it echoed and chimed through my mind, driving me to my threshold of tolerance. I woke up in a cold sweat. I woke up from the ignorance I donned when I gave Casey's remark no place in my heart.

after my awakening, time blurred until I arrived in the classroom. the room had been waxed since I last attended, and the blackboards were washed. everything looked perfect except for me. I was a stain on the attendance list. I knew I had to get a B on the final exam in order to keep my B. everything was riding on the next two hours. the teacher distributed the exams smugly, then returned to his desk, crossed his legs, and put his hands behind his head. a grin stretched across his leathery face.

I read the first problem. I cluelessly attempted to answer it. I grew more disappointed in myself with each pen stroke. after struggling for half an hour, I hoisted my pen to a position that would finish me off quickly and messily, and then I remembered Casey's words. "do it for Badical Extreme." drawing seemed more fun than its alternative. I proceeded to draw the most beautiful cat the world has ever seen. four legs, two ears, two eyes, one mouth, one tail, one minute. it was done swiftly and skillfully. since I had no lacquer, I sealed the picture with the tears of appreciation flowing down my cheeks.

similar to God willing the success of not only badicalextreme.com and Straw Hat and the Badical Extremes, He willed my success on the test. the answers presented themselves to me, dancing divinely through my pen and scratching the paper, each answer more beautiful than its predecessor.

after that, I slumped back into a blur. just having recently recovered, I have tried to recapture the sequence of events, but as you may expect, it is an impossibility to do so. there is nothing more to say. I just wish to share the profundity of the statement "do it for Badical Extreme."