After the success of my Panthro tribute page, I have decided to carry on with further pages in the same tradition. From time to time I will be making more tribute pages to characters from cartoons, movies, video games, real life, and other media who I feel are exemplary individuals deserving of great praise. After much thought, I have come up with a new subject, as well as a name for this feature. So, without further ado, I give you:


Profiles in Badassedness Part 2: Galford

For the first Profile in Badassedness, I reached far back into my early childhood to bring you a great warrior of the 80's. However, as great as the 80's were for cartoons and video games, there will always be a soft spot in my heart for the early to mid-90's. I feel that gaming, in general, peaked during this time period, with the Super Nintendo, Neo Geo, and early Playstation titles. A few good games have come out since then, sure, but the mid-90's were a golden age of gaming that shall never be surpassed. One notable feature of this "Golden Age" was the number of great fighting games that were released. Now, back in those days most fighting games were 2D. Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Weapon Lord... all good games, but none compared to the Samurai Shodown series. Ninjas, Samurais, and magic. Samurai Shodown was great for two reasons: 1) Fun, addictive gameplay and 2) Cool characters. But, as cool as Ukyo, Hanzo, and Jubei were, there was one character who was so incredibly goddamn cool, I never played as anybody else.

Galford was, without a doubt, the embodiment of pure justice. Born in America, raised in Japan, and trained in the deadly arts of the ninja, he was unstoppable. Had he desired, he could have used his powers for evil and conquered all that stood before him. However, Galford is a pure and valiant warrior. He lives in San Francisco, where he fights for good using his sword, the Justice Blade. I challenge you to come up with a better name for a sword.




I didn't think so.


Galford also had his loyal dog, Poppy, by his side. Poppy was rad because he wore a cute scarf and VICIOUSLY MAULED PEOPLE. There were a variety of attack moves in the game that used the dog. You could throw the dog at your opponent, have the dog run up and bite them in the crotch, make it leap down on them from above. Good times. Combine that with Galford's power to SHOOT LIGHTNING BOLTS and you have the ultimate killing machine. But Galford's true strength didn't lie in his lethal killing prowess, his dog, or any of that other stuff. His true power lay in his strength of character, and his strong moral convictions. He always fought for what was right. He is on level with other heroes of legend such as Robin Hood or Jesus; this is his true might, and it enables it to defeat any evil he is faced with. My argument that Galford is pure good has gotten me into a couple of deep philosophical discussions such as this one with my friend John. It's pretty long, with lots of references to other video game and anime characters, but I think it difinitively proves that Galford is the Buddha. Or something.


If you needed further proof of Galford's extreme radness, look no further. This is a screen capture of his victory screen in Samurai Shodown 4. After viciously rending his opponent in twine, Galford and Poppy celebrate with a wink, a thumbs up, and a cry of "So sue me. I hate evil!" The phrase's simple elegance conveys it all. Even holding up a pack of Mentos after slaughtering people mercilessly wouldn't be as good as that thumbs up. Even if Galford had just killed the Pope, all he would have to do would be to wink, give the thumbs up, and say "So sue me. I hate Evil!" and people would totally forget that the Pope wasn't evil. They would just say "Oh, Galford. You so CRAZY!!!" And then everybody would laugh, the frame would freeze, and the credits would roll. But when you take into consideration that the person Galford just killed in the game was, in all probability, ACTUALLY EVIL, This victory screen just increases in radosity twelvefold. I actually have a shirt I had custom made with this image on the back, and a smaller image of Galford and Poppy on the front. It was worth the fifteen bucks, because now everybody on my whole block knows just how I feel about the forces of evil. I should get some more made up, so I can have Galford on my shirt every day. This wasn't his only awesome quote, by the way. They were all like this. Example: "Love and Peace, they're neat!" Only Galford could say that after killing someone and get away with it.


Here's a picture of Galford with the love of his life, Nakoruru. She was another character in the game, and, like Galford, she had animal friends. This picture isn't entirely accurate, unless I'm mistaken. I think the actual plot in the game and the anime was that Galford loved Nakoruru with all his heart, but he could never bring himself to tell her the way he felt. He knew that he would never be able to settle down and give her what she deserved; it was his duty to continue fighting injustice as long as he lived. Sad, really, but very poignant and sweet. Of course, I could be entirely wrong about this, seeing as I've never actually seen the anime.


I spent about half an hour trying to find Galford and Nakoruru hentai to post here, but unfortunately I couldn't find any. I blame the collapse of the internet economy and the shadow of recession our nation currently stares into. People just can't afford to pay for quality hosting for their dirty, dirty hentai sites, and all the good free servers are gone.


I just realized how odd it is that Galford supposedly loved Nakoruru, but every time you played the game you still had to fight her. Weird.


So, that's Galford. The greatest character in any fighting game, EVER. He is a great hero of legend, a true inspiration in these dark times. Look to him when you need inspiration. When faced with danger and injustice, simply ask yourself, What Would Galford Do?, and you will be imbued with great courage and a sense of justice. Now that you have basked in the glory of Galford, feel free to