¡¡¡CINCO DE MAYO!!!

Cinco de Mayo is a holiday created in a Mexican taco house. Many people believe that it is some sort of Mexican Independence Day, but they are just racists. You see, the French had come to Mexico in search of the perfect fish taco, and stopped in a quaint little taqueria in Puebla, Mexico, about 1800 miles southeast of Tijuana. The new explorers, under the leadership of Napoleon, ate the most delicious tacos in the world and then were crass enough to ask for the secret family recipe. Being French, everyone hated them, and an argument soon erupted.

"Weee want your, how you say, recipe, wee wee!" yelled the French dogs.

"¡Su propio baño, qué lujo! " yelled the Spanish patriots.

The little casa de comida was just cacophonous with silly accents and fast paced speech.

Candid photo of General Zaragosa enjoying a fish taco.

Here is where the hero of the story comes in, a washed up fighter pilot from W.W.II, General Zaragosa, who had been drinking tequila heavily in the corner, overheard the fight and came to the aid of Mexico. He pulled out his pistolas shot up those dirty frogs. Suddenly, 8,000 French troops came running in and surrounded him, and it looked like there was no escape for poor General Zaragosa (he was all out of ammo on his bullet strip suspenders.)

Luckily for him, Chuck Norris did a ninjitsu flip from the banister of the burlesque house upstairs and landed back to back with General Zaragosa. The twisted, pointy mustache of the general's brushed against Chuck's cheek as he turned and said, "¡Viva el Cinco de Mayo!" To which Norris answered, "I'm a ranger."

Kicks and punches echoed against the aging stucco walls, and the blood of the French was everywhere. Soon, only Napoleon himself was left, and the good general smashed him under his mighty, spurred boot. The two single-handedly defeated the French army in that very taco house, which is why the holiday is celebrated in both Mexico and the USA. I mean, putting all racial borders aside to kill some French is a noble cause if I've ever heard one.

¡¡VIVA EL CINCO DE MAYO!!

(Learn another version of history here, which explains immigration from Mexico to the US and who really won the civil war.)