BadicalExtreme: Today's topic is a snack food many of us are familiar with: Fig Newtons
BadicalExtreme: Fluffy and sweet, these pastry snacks have been popular for many years
Hippy Boy BE: mmm
BadicalExtreme: But how do they measure up to our standards? Let's start with you, Casey.
Hippy Boy BE: well, I'm a fan of almost any cookie
Hippy Boy BE: and the fig newton is no exception
BadicalExtreme: But Casey, a cookie is just a cookie
BadicalExtreme: while a Newton... well, you know.
Hippy Boy BE: that is true, historically, fig newtons have always strived to achieve the very highest standards in fruit and cake
Hippy Boy BE: the light outside and sweet fig filling satisfies
BadicalExtreme: I think this really brings up the broader question of cookies vs. cake
HautboisML: if I may intervene
HautboisML: tasty, yes
HautboisML: filling, not necessarily
HautboisML: I often find myself yearning for more from my deserts
BadicalExtreme: an excellent point
HautboisML: that is, namely, Fig Newtons
BadicalExtreme: indeed
HautboisML: countless times I have found myself having to add to these cookies, or whatever you wish to call them
BadicalExtreme: fillingness is a factor when reviewing any snack
HautboisML: by add, I mean covering in whipped cream, rolling in bacon, and so forth
HautboisML: they are simply not enough to satiate a single mother
BadicalExtreme: fillingness? fillingosity?
Hippy Boy BE: I like bacon and butter
Hippy Boy BE: or crisco in a pinch
BadicalExtreme: fillationity?
BadicalExtreme: I put whipped cream on a strawberry jelly sandwich once
HautboisML: was it better than a cookie?
BadicalExtreme: well, a cookie is just a cookie
BadicalExtreme: but that sandwich was fruit and bread
BadicalExtreme: so in short, no.
Hippy Boy BE: i don't think we can overlook the availability of fig newtons in other non-fig flavors
BadicalExtreme: agreed
BadicalExtreme: I am quite fond of Raspberry, personally.
HautboisML: I ask you this: where is the cookie flavored Fig Newton?
Hippy Boy BE: a very good point mike
BadicalExtreme: Have I ever told you you're my hero?
Hippy Boy BE: perhaps we should write our local congressman
BadicalExtreme: About Newtons?
HautboisML: I am afraid the American government is in a stranglehold by the hand of Emperor Newton and his gaggle of evil bakers
BadicalExtreme: !!!!
HautboisML: if Congress directly approaches Nabisco, all hell will ensue
HautboisML: but, if an independent party was to confront them...
BadicalExtreme: Something must be done.
Hippy Boy BE: next thing you know the stock market will crash again in a panic
BadicalExtreme: Let's suit up, guys, I can be there in about 6 or 7 hours
Hippy Boy BE: this thing has enron written all over its soft and tastey exterior
BadicalExtreme: but wait: do we really want to mess with the people who bring us delicious, delicious Newtons?
HautboisML: I... you're right
Hippy Boy BE: it depends on if we want to do this for the greater good, or for ourselves
HautboisML: I cannot hurt that which brings me so much happiness
BadicalExtreme: Ourselves.
Hippy Boy BE: ok
Hippy Boy BE: then i think we should run down to the store and get some
BadicalExtreme: I'm eating some right now.
Hippy Boy BE: touche
HautboisML: you bastard!
BadicalExtreme: mmmm, tastes like corporate evil
HautboisML: you're batting for the other team!
BadicalExtreme: Hey, I've never mansexed any gay man. Where would you get that idea?
Hippy Boy BE: the lie that is fig newton
BadicalExtreme: Man. That's deep.
BadicalExtreme: Hey, did you guys know they have strawberry kiwi newtons now?
BadicalExtreme: That sounds pretty good.
Hippy Boy BE: wow
Hippy Boy BE: that is one of my favorite taste sensations
BadicalExtreme: Yeah, it's definitely up there.
BadicalExtreme: So...
BadicalExtreme: Final scores?
Hippy Boy BE: i say somewhere from 8 to 10
HautboisML: I hate you, Fig Newton
BadicalExtreme: 9 sounds pretty good to me
Hippy Boy BE: ok
BadicalExtreme: Screw this, I'm gonna go eat some Oreos.

 
 
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