BadicalExtreme:
Today's topic is a snack food many of us are
familiar with: Fig Newtons
BadicalExtreme:
Fluffy and sweet, these pastry snacks have
been popular for many years
Hippy Boy BE:
mmm
BadicalExtreme:
But how do they measure up to our standards?
Let's start with you, Casey.
Hippy Boy BE:
well, I'm a fan of almost any cookie
Hippy Boy BE:
and the fig newton is no exception
BadicalExtreme:
But Casey, a cookie is just a cookie
BadicalExtreme:
while a Newton... well, you know.
Hippy Boy BE:
that is true, historically, fig newtons have always strived to achieve
the very highest standards in fruit and cake
Hippy Boy BE:
the light outside and sweet fig filling satisfies
BadicalExtreme:
I think this really brings up the broader question
of cookies vs. cake
HautboisML:
if I may intervene
HautboisML:
tasty, yes
HautboisML:
filling, not necessarily
HautboisML:
I often find myself yearning for more from my
deserts
BadicalExtreme:
an excellent point
HautboisML:
that is, namely, Fig Newtons
BadicalExtreme:
indeed
HautboisML:
countless times I have found myself having to
add to these cookies, or whatever you wish to call them
BadicalExtreme:
fillingness is a factor when reviewing any
snack
HautboisML:
by add, I mean covering in whipped cream, rolling
in bacon, and so forth
HautboisML:
they are simply not enough to satiate a single
mother
BadicalExtreme:
fillingness? fillingosity?
Hippy Boy BE:
I like bacon and butter
Hippy Boy BE:
or crisco in a pinch
BadicalExtreme:
fillationity?
BadicalExtreme:
I put whipped cream on a strawberry jelly sandwich
once
HautboisML:
was it better than a cookie?
BadicalExtreme:
well, a cookie is just a cookie
BadicalExtreme:
but that sandwich was fruit and bread
BadicalExtreme:
so in short, no.
Hippy Boy BE:
i don't think we can overlook the availability of fig newtons in other
non-fig flavors
BadicalExtreme:
agreed
BadicalExtreme:
I am quite fond of Raspberry, personally.
HautboisML:
I ask you this: where is the cookie flavored
Fig Newton?
Hippy Boy BE:
a very good point mike
BadicalExtreme:
Have I ever told you you're my hero?
Hippy Boy BE:
perhaps we should write our local congressman
BadicalExtreme:
About Newtons?
HautboisML:
I am afraid the American government is in a
stranglehold by the hand of Emperor Newton and his gaggle of evil bakers
BadicalExtreme:
!!!!
HautboisML:
if Congress directly approaches Nabisco, all
hell will ensue
HautboisML:
but, if an independent party was to confront
them...
BadicalExtreme:
Something must be done.
Hippy Boy BE:
next thing you know the stock market will crash again in a panic
BadicalExtreme:
Let's suit up, guys, I can be there in about
6 or 7 hours
Hippy Boy BE:
this thing has enron written all over its soft and tastey exterior
BadicalExtreme:
but wait: do we really want to mess with the
people who bring us delicious, delicious Newtons?
HautboisML:
I... you're right
Hippy Boy BE:
it depends on if we want to do this for the greater good, or for ourselves
HautboisML:
I cannot hurt that which brings me so much happiness
BadicalExtreme:
Ourselves.
Hippy Boy BE:
ok
Hippy Boy BE:
then i think we should run down to the store and get some
BadicalExtreme:
I'm eating some right now.
Hippy Boy BE:
touche
HautboisML:
you bastard!
BadicalExtreme:
mmmm, tastes like corporate evil
HautboisML:
you're batting for the other team!
BadicalExtreme:
Hey, I've never mansexed any gay man. Where
would you get that idea?
Hippy Boy BE:
the lie that is fig newton
BadicalExtreme:
Man. That's deep.
BadicalExtreme:
Hey, did you guys know they have strawberry
kiwi newtons now?
BadicalExtreme:
That sounds pretty good.
Hippy Boy BE:
wow
Hippy Boy BE:
that is one of my favorite taste sensations
BadicalExtreme:
Yeah, it's definitely up there.
BadicalExtreme:
So...
BadicalExtreme:
Final scores?
Hippy Boy BE:
i say somewhere from 8 to 10
HautboisML:
I hate you, Fig Newton
BadicalExtreme:
9 sounds pretty good to me
Hippy Boy BE:
ok
BadicalExtreme:
Screw this, I'm gonna go eat some Oreos.
